Bella-Boo

I haven't written in here in months. The date of my previous entry. February the 10th 2008.

Since- In Short Terms:
- I bought a mat
- I fed a cat
- I fed a baby
- Yelled at the baby's father
- Made up with the baby's father


What a life? My baby is big and beautiful. My husband is still my world. We're thinking another child might be nice... 
My brother is vaguly calm and my mother is vaguly not. 
My friends are there.
And some just arn't anymore.

ps: Emma.S, if you read this, i'm sorry for being so terrible and not writing to you any sooner, but i'm thinking of you, my love. Did i mention how proud i am that you got into the master's course for art history...

Because i really, really am.

Can you see her?
That girl with the cotton wool hair
And the bag made of straw.
Can you see her?
Ambling down the laneway
Every morning.
Can't you see her?
"No, No i can't."
She doesn't come today
Can't make it.
Flew away in a baloon they say.


-


my mistress has the largest
breasts
had i not seen these giant
mounds of mountain
with my own eyes
then i would not think such
breasts possible.

my mistress has the whitest
breasts
had i not seen these blinding
bumps of pale
then i would not think such
breasts possible.

my mistress has the loveliest
breasts.
they are dusk and dawn
night and day,
such perfect breasts 
should not be 
possible.

Paint a picture of your house at this exact moment:

1- Silence, hardly any noise.

2- View of bay, sun setting.

3- Baby asleep. The last two days have been a break from his usual routine of being spoiled by me to being spoiled by my family (not that they don't often spoil him but...). He ate too much sugar and got too many presents. Over excitment on his part, woken up on Christmas morning at 5.48 am with screams of Daddy/Mummy prezzzent. Tonight i bathed baby at six, powdered, breastfed and he was falling asleep in my arms by seven. 

3- Cat is outside running up and down balcony, not sure why?

4- Husband is rolling around the rug at my feet trying to learn about Primary Biliary Cirrhosis and Duodenal Biliar Drainage (the pictures don't look pretty). Every once in a while he kisses my knees and it makes me smile.

5- Me, sitting here, wearing my glasses like a blind idiot, wine in glass (white i might add), reading http://www.nownow.com.au/words/ 

In about ten minutes i'm going to go and wash my glass come back and fuck my husband right there on the rug.

Like there's no tomorrow.


i feel like this:



rare occurance i tell you.

FKFKFKFKFKFKFKKKKKKKKK WANT TO KILL MY BROTHER STUPID MOTHER FKING IDIOT SHOULD FKING GROW THE FK UP.

Brother is in rehab.

Again.

Good for him.

Idiot.

I'm not sleeping well at the moment and i've narrowed it down to a few reasons.

1. I worry about my brother.

Caleb is my older brother. He is the most beautiful, caring, strongest person i know, yet it's like its his mission to throw away anything he has going for him. 

2. I miss my husband.

Funny how two weeks without him completely turns everything upside down for me. I cried for five hours straight when he left. I need him, i can't function without him. It's like i'm walking around with no purpose when he isn't there.

Monday come sooner.

3. I feel guilty.

I love my child. So much, more than anything, except my husband. That's such a wrong thing to think, isn't your baby meant to be the number one thing in your life? 

He is the product of my everything but he is not that everything.

=<

Three things= three hours of sleep. Three am to the six am baby wake up call.

LIKEZ LOVING LIVING IN MELBOURNE IT'S SO HARDCORE.... I LOVEZ IT SO BADZ.

Don't want to go back to Sydney but am going to be forced to come february...

I miss my brother,

so much.

He is on my mind everyday. 

Thought number one: Caleb.

Baby and i take walks to the museum. Husband and i take walks to the bedroom.

Sex life is great- i thought having a child was meant to change that???!??!??!?

LOL WHAT WANKERS LOL I AM LOLING SO BAD RIGHT NOW BUT SERIOUSLY LOL.

A decline in manners brings a decline in the respect we have for each other. Thornton McCamish reports on the uncivil war.

'Oi!" someone shouted. I kept walking. Then there was a dog-whistle. I turned, half-expecting to find a runaway hound at my throat. But there was no dog in sight, just a guy lumbering up the street. He was whistling at me. He wanted to know where he could find the pub. I told him. Then he lunged off, without a word, like I'd ceased to exist.

Then there was that man in the city, scowling at his parking meter. As I walked by, he asked me if I had any change. I said no, I didn't, sorry. "Yeah, I'll bet," he muttered. I said: "Pardon?" "Just piss off," he told me matter-of-factly, already lining up the next passer-by.

From the Age... but its kind of true though. People are rude now a days.